Under the Knife

He finally scheduled his Surgery

To remove them heavy stones from the pit of his belly.

See he had drank cups of Approval and Validation 

Only for that shit materialize into Rejection and Misunderstanding. 

A lump started in his esophagus.

So he took the pill called False Optimism to offset the pain. 

Only side effects were Pats on His Back 

And: “Don’t practice that.”

Yet and still, a boulder formed in his tummy,

Growing and aggravating his Spirit. 

His Soul had been arrested, and he didn’t even know his rights. 

Them aches all became Burdens that just made a home in the boy’s stomach. 

He felt pinned down with a restricted airway.

Call it a spiritual chokehold if you will.

Trapped under the guise of a Good Christian boy

Who wasn’t allowed to question Anything. 

His pain apparently The Will of God. 

Yet that Inner Child prepared to break free during Lockdown.

Masks required, but his already melting off his face.

Diagnoses had him in disbelief. 

He never thought an exodus from his Safe Haven would be relief.  

So he finally prepared himself and went under the Knife. 

Boldly and voluntarily he walked away 

From the toxic Religiosity he was daily digesting.

He let go of a Community that pretended to love him. 

He relinquished the Control that the People had on him.

He rejected his False Sense of Hope that relied on their Intervention.

Operation successful. 

Now he embraces Rejection and Mourning and Wandering.

Better to have these than Infirmities puncturing his spleen.  

He gladly welcomes doses of Trauma invading his Psyche. 

Better this than morsels of Shame offered at Potluck Dinners. 

He absorbs the slow Recovery; a dreadful but necessary Therapy.  

Better than ignorant Pep Talks from unqualified parishioners 

He invites Looks of Disdain and those graphic Nightmares.

More delightful than seeing himself and others as Epitomes of Condemnation.

He relishes in the Healing and Mending and Rediscovery. 

The agonizing Surgery proved greater than Self Destruction.

Finally.

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Written by Devans Eli. Copyright 2023 by Devans Eli. All rights reserved.